As suspected, the blood tests revealed nothing. So, I’ve had to give more of my blood for more tests. These ones basically just to confirm the last ones. I feel fobbed off.
Options though. I have options. We’ve always got choices. That’s true. So, no-one is bothering to explain what my options are, so I guess I’ll have to work out what they are for myself and then make some choices. Epilepsy has not robbed me of my ability to make a decision. Although, Epilepsy has never been a factor in how good a decision I make!
I’ve done the right things. I’ve been through the medical profession and have got not very far. The biggest issues are: epilepsy (doh), headaches, depression and sleep issues.
Well, let’s see. They’re obviously all linked. I don’t have 4 individual problems, that can be sorted with 4 different sets of meds. I have a inextricably linked set of health problems that need to be regarded as a whole. My initial feeling is to go back to basics. Strip myself clean and start over with the knowledge that I have.
AEDs. Anti-Epilepsy Drugs. Anti-convulsants. Choice: keep taking them or stop taking them. What are they currently doing for me? Well. No-one knows. Are they preventing the excess electricity physically manifesting into a full blown seizure more often than I currently do? No-one knows.
Lack of sleep, to me, is the biggest issue. I’m so very tired all the time. It certainly doesn’t help with the headaches and I suspect it’s a pretty big contributing factor to my depression. It’s also a contributor to my epilepsy. When I’m tired, I’m always more prone to fitting. I’m tired all the time at the moment. What choice do I have here? Sleeping pills? Are they a choice? They’re a consideration. Truthfully, they’re not a road I want to travel again. They scare me. What else can I do though? What alternative is there to drugs when it comes to sleep? I need to do more study. I need to do more investigation. There has to be alternatives to a drug induced sleep. I don’t know if it will be dietary, but that’s definitely a route I need to investigate.
To my mind, even in its broken state, lack of sleep, good quality sleep, is my biggest problem. Everything else is linked and would be more manageable if I could get a handle on my sleep. But how? How do I do that? Nutrition? Exercise? Drugs?
I’m exhausted and exasperated. I don’t know what to do next and I can’t think clearly in order to make a decision. Helpless is how I feel. Helpless. That makes me feel pathetic and that’s a feeling I don’t like one little bit.
So, I’ve got some decisions to make. Decisions that could affect the rest of my life. They can’t be taken lightly. I’m scared.